Romanes Eunt Domus: I like mine rare

I had to go to the dentist this morning for a cleaning. I'm not going to say I've got bad oral hygiene, but if you're going to pay for it, you might as well make them earn their money. It's the same reason I always a pack an extra set of handcuffs and a fresh trout when I visit the Bunny Ranch. I know they're professionals, but I like to make them prove it all the same.

Anyways, they've got some new-fangled flat screen monitors mounted above the chairs in the dentist's office, so a person can focus on something other than the blood and the screaming. This morning I got to watch something called CNN Live, and I think I've managed to recover with only minor scarring.

The greatest assault on the public good was the "Baby Noor" story. Apparently, this is major news, though I'm at a loss to explain why. But, but, but, you say - Isn't this a wonderful feel-good story? Doesn't it make you just tear up to watch the baby with the great big eyes get a new back? Doesn't it make you want to run out and get one of those yellow ribbon stickers for you car when you watch our brave soldiers rescuing this child with one hand while they paint schools and build soccer fields with the other? Doesn't it -

No, No, No, and absofuckinglutely not. It's phony compassion that sells ad time and exculpates some of our sins but that's about it. If we'd dropped a bomb on her or shot her at a checkpoint that would have been tough titties for all involved - but since her problems are an "act of God" (and for the sake of this discussion we'll sweep the effects of the sanctions and use of depleted uranium ordinance under the rhetorical rug) we can raise her up as The Child Who Lived, the redeemer of sins acknowledged or (mostly) not, and weep big weepy tears about how wonderful we are as a people to bring this lucky child out of Babylon and give unto her another chance at life. Then we'll send her home with some samples from Merck or Pfizer and wish her the best of luck in the coming civil war. Hey, maybe Saxby Chambliss can get himself a two-fer out of this, and put a rose or something on her coffin if (God Forbid) the worst should happen. Probably not - that damned trick knee and all.

Maybe I shouldn't be so cynical. Maybe I should rejoice in the candle that gets to shine even as the rest of the world grows dimmer. Maybe.
I'll leave you with a quote from another story I saw today: The Cow That Lived. The workers at the slaughterhouse have all voted for clemency (for those of you who hold the highest elected office in Texas or California, that's pronounced "mur-see"), even as (I assume) they still run the bolt-gun and the bone-saws on the rest of the herd.

"If they want to take up a collection to pay someone to keep the cow alive, I'd be more than happy to contribute," Garde said. "I probably won't become a vegetarian because of it, but it probably deserves to live. When one breaks out of the pack, it's so touching."

It certainly is. Now who's up for a steak?