When I was ten years old, we moved from a ranch in the hills of southeastern Montana to a farm just outside of Miles City. There were a lot of changes that summer, but the biggest would be cultural: up until then, I had attended a one-room school house with eight other kids, that fall I would start fifth grade at a Catholic school in a class of twenty-four. No one had ever used profanity or told dirty jokes out at South Stacey, but everyone did at Sacred Heart. I'd like to say I adjusted well, but I didn't.
When I was sixteen, I kissed a girl for the first time. She was my first girlfriend, and she broke up with me the same weekend that my grandfather died. I'd like to say that I took his death harder, but he'd spent the last year dying, while I hadn't seen the breakup coming. Later that summer I went on a date with my future wife. By the time school started though, she'd decided we should just be friends.
When I was seventeen, I started dating my wife again. I was two hours late for our second first date, because I had to break up with my current girlfriend. Neither girl found this very impressive.
When I was eighteen, I moved out of my parents' house and started college. My daughter, that amazing bundle of tiny fists and prodigious appetite, was born that year, in the same hospital where I was born. Two months later, in a little white church, I looked down into my wife's teary eyes and told her I would. She graduated from high school a week later.
When I was twenty-one, my parents lost their farm.
When I was twenty-three, the stork came to visit us again and we brought our son home from the Bozeman hospital. Three months later, at the same hospital, I found myself lying on an operating table while a very steady-handed urologist brought an end to my fertility. I graduated from college, got my first job, and moved out of state.
When I was twenty-four, I bought a house.
When I was twenty-six, the church we'd been part of imploded, and we began the Great Church Hunt. One month before September 11th, we started attending an Evangelical Quaker meeting.
I was twenty-nine before I ever saw the ocean. It was worth the wait.
Today I'm turning thirty. When I was ten years old, I never would have guessed what lay before me, and the future has become only slightly clearer at each stop along the way. Some of the things that have happened were amazingly cool, and some were less so, but all were unexpected. I have a rough idea of what the next decade will entail, but you never know, do you? All it takes is one phone call to find out that life is ending, beginning, changing. Will I bury a parent? Adopt a child? Quit my job? Go bald? Only God knows, I guess, unless you're an Open Theist. I'm excited to see what happens - though I'll admit I'd rather everything be sunshine and light. I guess we'll see, won't we...
Happy birthday, you funny, funny
guy! I am not an open theist... God doesn't tell us what will happen to us, but He does give us a hint with Jeremiah 29:11.Love your Blog, even though it is pg-13 rated.
Posted by: angevoix | July 29, 2005 at 04:21 PM
Ha! You only get a PG-13!!! Angevoix clearly hasn't read the masturbation thread.
On a slightly less playful note, happy birthday. You've definitely impacted my blog-life for the better. Thanks, for that--oh, and the memories of Bozeman Deaconess Hospital...
I'll be smoking brisket and spareribs tomorrow...i'll think of you...
Posted by: Brandon | July 29, 2005 at 06:43 PM
Happy Birthday! It's cool to read a little bit about your story. Good stuff.
grace and peace, jimmy
Posted by: jimmy | July 30, 2005 at 12:55 PM
angevoix - Ignore Brandon, he's got a dirty mind. I have no idea what this "masturbation" thread is of which he speaks.
Brandon - Shhhh! We don't want to scare anybody away until we've managed to get a credit card # out of them. How did the brisket go? I haven't had a chance to do one, but it's on my todo...
Jimmy - hey, long time no see, thanks for the comment...
All - I had a wonderful day, and coming home to commentary was a great way to end it..
Posted by: Benjamin | July 30, 2005 at 09:29 PM
Benjamin!! Happy belated birthday!!!
PG-13? I'm pretty sure the title "Holy Fucking Shit" gets an R rating. But I laughed so hard reading it that coffee shot out my nose!
I'm sitting here right now listening to the Alkaline Trio (because I saw it on your blog) in your honor.
Have a great andd blessed year, bro.
Peace,
Mike
Posted by: Dr. Mike Kear | July 31, 2005 at 07:23 PM
Mike -
I had a chance to see them last week when they were in town, but I had to work. That's all right though - I'm going to see Flogging Molly in September.
I've been a bad citizen and haven't commented on your emergent stuff, but I've really enjoyed reading it.
Thanks again for stopping by...
Posted by: Benjamin | July 31, 2005 at 09:35 PM
I don't that scare easily and I don't carry a credit card... After hearing my priest say the f word I'm jaded for life...
Posted by: angevoix | July 31, 2005 at 09:56 PM
I'm a little late arriving at the party, but happy birthday!
Posted by: LAmom | August 01, 2005 at 09:01 PM
I'm really late coming to the party, but I just wanted to tell you that that was one of the better pieces of blog-ature or bloggery or whatever, that I've read in some time. Nice work and thank you.
Posted by: Matthew Van Dyk | August 09, 2005 at 07:54 AM
Hey Benjamin,
What's up? Are you still out there?
Posted by: Brandon | August 09, 2005 at 01:24 PM
Interestingly, I found this test:
http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=17565214125862764376
And I couldn't think of much else than to wonder how Benjamin would score.
This was me:
your humor style:
VULGAR | COMPLEX | DARK
You'll crack on anything, and you're often witty, even caustic, about it.
Therefore, your sense of humor is polarizing. You're transgressive, and you've got a seriously sharp 'edge'--maybe too much for some folks. If they get you, people think you're one of the funniest (and smartest) people in the world. If they don't, they think you're an ass. Whatever, right? While some might question your judgement, your comic intellect is unquestionably respected.
PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Chris Rock - Lenny Bruce - George Carlin
Posted by: Brandon | August 09, 2005 at 07:21 PM
Yes, I'm still alive - but this is my month to do support at work, plus I've got another sister getting married this week, & the in-laws were visiting last week, and so on and so forth. Plus, now that I'm thirty, I just don't move as fast as i used too...
But I'm more than happy to take 30th birthday wishes right up until July 28, 2006....
Posted by: Benjamin | August 09, 2005 at 10:11 PM
In the interest of continuing your birthday wishes right up until July 28, 2006, let this be one for the half-birthday, which is quickly approaching, now isnt it? (10 days!)
So I'm late to the party, but we should celebrate life year round anyway! So Happy Birthday! :)
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Happy BIRD-DAY mate!
I am really glad to see that every stop you were blessed more and every stop has brought you closer to happiness. God bless you and your family with many more to come.
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